A new resident has joined us. For once it's someone not famous. Her name is "Carly" and she's 18. Lots of attitude so far. Thinks she's too cool for us or something. Always rolling her eyes and groaning.

Pat O'Brien wasted very little time to make a play for her. Within minutes of "Carly's" arrival he was in her room doing push-ups.

"And I should be impressed why?" I heard her ask him.

At lunch I mentioned to Pat O'Brien that maybe he should lay off because of the age difference and all.

"Hey, bro," he said, "I know I have farts older than her, but I can't help her wanting some Pat-Daddy action."

I thought about asking him what exactly he meant by "Pat-Daddy action" but I decided he probably would have responded by burying his face in his hands and crying. I didn't really have the patience to deal with that. I just wanted to eat my tuna sandwich.